Stop Blaming Yourself: Master Your Inner Critic

Transcript

1. 0:00It I was taught in my codependent Eastern European upbringing that blaming others is worse than blaming myself. But really from the
2. 0:09nervous system standpoints, it's the same. We are not being present to what is and we're overlaying it with um something that
3. 0:21is easier for us to hang with, right? So if I make it all my fault, then the world is somewhat okay. >> Mhm. >> Brendan.
4. 0:35>> Yeah, so this is really resonating. Um so thinking about recently how when I'm asked to do something, I commit to doing it. Um
5. 0:46you know, I will go to the end of the earth for somebody else, but when the commitment's internal, uh it's like it never existed. Like I'll
6. 0:55just I'll put myself last and whether it's people-pleasing or you know, trying to show up for for people, that distortion takes the shape of
7. 1:06I'm going to put everybody else in front of me because that's the professional thing to do or that's the you know,
8. 1:12whatever reason in my brain is telling me that I'm doing it for and um you know, now that I'm working on some of the
9. 1:19regulation and that, I'm like, well, you know, there is something to be said for putting your oxygen mask on first
10. 1:25and and learning how to balance that out. So. >> Yeah. Um this stuff, thank you for bringing this. This is this is very common. This stuff
11. 1:38never goes away with circumstances. We think that oh, when the circumstances are such that there's plenty of time for my things, I'll do it.
12. 1:49That is not true. I just coached with a client today who um her children [clears throat] are grown, her husband's very wealthy financial uh
13. 2:00um whatever guy. Um she actually has her own own funds. She's invested and made her own money, plenty of it.
14. 2:09And she goes, "I have so much guilt. I always have to do the family to-do list first, and what I want to do with my
15. 2:16education and my business is always left to the you know, 4:27 where there's only 32 minutes left in the day." And her stuff
16. 2:26never gets done. Right? So the coaching is that unless you put the stuff up front in your day and the fixing the fridge on the 27th minute
17. 2:40>> [laughter] >> um the stuff will never the stuff will never get done. And the guilt, what's driving her is the guilt
18. 2:49because she feels like she has so much privilege, the guilt will always run your life. Mhm. Right? So circumstances really don't matter when
19. 2:59it comes to these distortions. The only thing that we can um that we can actually do is recognize and choose to change our state.
20. 3:10>> It's 30 minutes, Martha. >> Perfect. I am right on track. All right, so thank you. That was amazing. Uh great shares, you guys.
21. 3:22What I'm going to What I'm going to show you is uh how capacity gap gets into this stuff and we will not
22. 3:34solve it all. I'll briefly talk about the different parts of capacity gap, but we'll actually focus on just one today. In an exercise.
23. 3:46>> Watch the full replay at community.thesalon.ai.